December 31st, 2025

The end of 2025 brings a variety of emotions, one of them is sadness.

In 2009, Dr. George Bonnano wrote an intriguing book, The Other Side of Sadness. As a Professor of Psychology at Colombia University, much of his work highlights how individuals cultivate resilience in adversity, and how they might be even designed for it.

His book challenges the traditional model of grief, contending it may not be helpful as people have held it to be, especially the approach that grief is linear and has clear resolution.

Sadness.

It’s an emotion easily accessible for me, and one that I continue seeking to understand its frequency in my life. One of the biggest takeaways from my understanding of sadness comes from my deepest grief; my mother passed away in 2024. It was a cancer of the brain, came on unexpectedly, lived within my mother harshly, and without obvious symptoms until it was too late.

Dang…that was really hard to write….I need to move forward with this piece.

Sadness is the soul’s way of letting us know something mattered.

And since my mom will always matter to me, I understand that a continued presence of sadness wherever I go isn’t something to be ashamed of. Nor is the presence of sadness something I need to eliminate from my human experience, because it wouldn’t honor my experience and it’s impossible to run away from.

Dr. Bonanno writes that we really may not understand the impact sadness can have in our lives until we experience a profound loss; it’s only then when we really know how intensely this grief can make its mark on us. He states this kind of sadness can feel overwhelmingly all-encompassing and bottomless, a sadness that has no end.

What do we do?....what do I do?

As much as grief turns our attention inwardly, life is about both internal and external experiences. The human experience is one that is lived with others. We are born into “otherness” when we are born into our families. We learn words, how to talk, walk, from the guidance of others. We go to school and learn from others. Our lives are built around the relationships we continue keeping.

Human relationships are paramount.

A few years ago I took a trip to Oregan, it was the most spectacular trip I’ve every taken!

The air held a coolness and purity different from that of Dallas, Texas. I was surrounded by tall, dark green, shockingly monstrous pine trees. I drove out to the coast, a beach I’ve wanted to visit for a few years, Cannon Beach. Within a few hours, I found myself sitting on a lawn chair, its legs embedded into brown sand, and simply waited for the sun to set. The waves were colder than the ones I’ve felt on California shores; they were steady and constant, providing a hushing sound as the backdrop. The shades of soft golds and greens in the sky was drawing, captivating, holding the attention of everyone on the beach. I remember longing for someone to enjoy this moment with me in a way I’ve never experienced before.

Humans desire to share joy bursting experiences with others.

It’s one of the many things that make us unique. After the passing of my mother, I sensed a similar longing once more.

Humans desire to share grief weighted experiences with others.

I didn’t want to endure the darkness of grief alone.

We don’t necessarily say this clearly out loud for everyone to understand what we need, that might be too vulnerable for most. But, at the end of a day, when we are waiting in dark times, dark rooms awaiting to fall asleep, and the sadness rushes over us, we desire someone to be there with us.

2026 is a mystery for me, it might be for you, too.

I hope that instead of pursuing the experiences we feel we’re missing out on, we pursue the relationships we desire to have those experiences with just a little more.

to my people, happy new year 🙏🏽🍾🐶

-j

p.s. I miss you, mom..