A World that breaks its people.

I remember the moment a little too vividly; it’s been a few years now. She was sitting across on the couch to my left, feet up in her slippers, 5 feet away, but it felt more like we were a thousand miles apart. The temperature outside was cold enough to wear my hoodie, and the dimly lit room we were in gave just enough light to see unrecognizable faces.  

Over the past 5 years, heartbreak and I have become more than acquaintances; it’s all a part of the story.

This last year has been the most difficult year of my life. I’ve come to understand that we will eventually live long enough to see life make us bleed. We live long enough to not just know that our world continues to break its people, but understand this brokenness through the experiences we inhabit. Sometimes I become disheartened; it’s incredibly difficult for me to accept how much people suffer on this side of heaven. Though I understand God has a plan, He knows what He’s doing, I only wish I knew more so that I could submit to His will more quickly.

I don’t know about you, but these days I find myself praying like this:

“What are you doing to me?”

“Where is the good in this?”

“Where did you go?”

“You’re just going to leave me like this?”

“I don’t feel you.”

“You said you’re the only one who can save me.”

“You’re just gonna leave me to my own decisions?”

As a Christian, I don’t have the audible voice of God speaking, I don’t have a God that I can physically hug (at least at the moment).

I don’t have His eyes to look into, seeing Him seeing me, I don’t. We don’t.

There are some words found in a psalm that read, “He remembers that we are dust…”

Though the writer was highlighting God’s empathy over humanity when we fall short of his standards, I believe we can safely make meaning from its implication; He has empathy and compassion over us because he knows we live in a broken world that breaks its people, and these people end up with broken hearts far too often.

You wouldn’t be alone in this.

David writes,

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
  How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?”

                                                                        -Psalm 13

  For those who are heartbroken tonight from the tragedy going on in South Texas, you’re not alone.

-j